#triggering vent

[aleielle-of-roshar]

Omfg you’e supposed to be a therapist, im not a fucking toddler, I’m plenty old enough to be traumatized by a fucking murder attempt and sa by that asshole last year, I shouldn’t fucking move on when that fucker is on the news being praised as a fucking ‘wonderful man’

I’m allowed to be angry, just because I’m autistic and technically fem looking doesn’t mean I’m ‘being dramatic’, a year isn’t too long to be traumatized- I’m been diagnosed with c-ptsd for fucks’ sake

Sorry, might delete this later, just changing meds and so fucking unstable rn /srs

[jiraidanshidenpajoshi]

It's so loud and overwhelming. Everything around me. There's so much idle chatter and I can't help but feel it's about me, there's a crinkling paper noise and my knees are aching in that horrific way. I feel everything closing in and compressing my body but at the same time feel like somebody just ourside watching that body be compressed and I'm not sure how it means

It's just all overwhelm. I did my math and it was emotionally turmoil I don't know why, I enjoy it, I enjoy it, but it seems to be screaming, the numbers are screaming at me, and mocking how dumb I am

I feel like I'm wafting through static everywhere I walk and other people can barely see me through it. That the static inbetween me and the word has gotten so thick and so loud that now others can see it seperating me from them as well. And I don't mind it's just I wish it was a bit quieter in here. My left ear has become hyperactive and is constantly replaying noises and songs against my will while the right has gone all silent. There's a glitchy and awful digital like noise and all stacked together the world is just so overwhelming right now

I can't calm down or focus with all this noise. My mind drifts and worries about all the outwr sources. Are the footsteps coming to me to harm me? Are they talking about me. And so on. I just want to dissolve and be alone. I'll get it at lunch. I just need to get trhougy period 2

[mika-chaos-bean]

i just got a p*rnbot in my inbox saying i'd "look more [bleep]able with a bunch of wounds and blood"??????? what the hell????? im just a chao leave me alone

if theres ANYBODY who does this or sends this kind of stuff, PLEASE BLOCK ME AND GO AWAY.

if you just think about it but you dont wanna do it and you dont embrace it as a good thing, you guys are fine, just leave me out of anything to do with this. please.

i just dont want any more discourse. i dont want to have to set these boundaries, but keeping my mentality is a need. and if i am to keep my mentality, i need to set boundaries for things that make me uncomfortable or even sick to my stomach.

sorry for having feelings i guess

[puppyfag-luna]

please please please please stop constantly talking about your ex gf assaulting you in detail in front of me. please I'm so sorry this is happening to you. but I can't remember right now. please please I need to peel my skin off

[buckshot-bunny]

vent under the cut, don't fucking reblog it

kinda wish my younger sibling would shut the fuck up about her ex. like it's gotten so bad to the point I started thinking about mine and my Ex is worse, he's a pedo/groomer. today he came up in conversation and I was reminded of how he bought me my first plushie when I started regress to cope and I started to miss that plushie.

I'm so fucking angry, I understand she hurts but it's gotten to the point where it's starting to rub off on me, because her Ex Gf reminds me of L , just minus the grooming/rapist/pedo part.

[lazystudentpeanut]

90 days remain.

I am haunted by nightmares and a guilty conscience. I ghosted my former employer when they technically could have gotten another shift out of me; they however threatened to mess with some records, putting my pay at risk and then I just fucking ghosted them. You see, where I live, employment doesn’t end immediately when you hand your resignation in. But the employer is obligated by law to hand you a receipt for receiving the letter and they just didn‘t. They taunt me for quitting, then begged me to take my resignation back and keep working for them, and now actively deny that I ever did quit. I feel like an asshole for defending myself for not subjecting myself to that and just waiting out the grace period of my resignation to pass and just. Don’t going. When they illegally refuse my resignation, they will have to fire me.

My nightmares feature the common motive of me coming to work, improperly dressed for the occasion and getting wind of how much I am despised. Last night in particular, it was sticky notes in and around my locker „you will regret this :(„ „how selfish of her“ „she isn’t really disabled she faked her papers“ „she looks so weird“ „she just doesnt want to normal because she thinks she is special“ „imma ruin uni for her“ „i hope her pathetic partner leaves her“ „Look I am an expert on this subject and know she didn’t even enroll in school cause you cant pick Latin duhhhh“ „she faked her medical emergency“ „i know where she lives its really easy to break in“ „yeah she looks poor“ „she fat because she doesn’t drink“ „she is not autistic she is just a retard“ „no she is just lazy no one her age has that illness“

When I awoke in a cold sweat, my partner was already dressed, looming above me and gently caressing my face. We both are uneasy sleepers and such things are not new to us. I told him what is was this time, his reaction snapped me back to reality „Soooo all the things they thought about you anyway, all the stuff you overheard and why you quit, right?“ I don‘t need to fear the people thinking that of me. They already think that and said that… As did so many other people in my life when I couldn’t escape the situation.

So yeah. None of these statements are true btw. I won‘t regret leaving them behind. They wont get to ruin uni for me, as none of them even have a Highschool diploma, or any school diploma for that matter. I did not fake my papers, but I don‘t fit their stereotypes of my disabilities. I neither look my age nor age appropriate, plus people get scared by how little I blink and how I wear my hair; there is nothing repulsive about that. People come to the conclusion that I am plain weird or that I’d think I am special because of their own ignorance; more often than not they also vehemently refuse to be educated. Most people take big offense to my relationship, because we have gotten together very young and have, thank providence, a very strong, healthy and fulfilling relationship; where I live this is very unusual. Obviously my colleagues are not experts in my education and of course you can always pick Latin for my diploma; this is an example of people just talking out of their asses. When I had a medical emergency I was denied medical care, which is a) morally wrong b) illegal. I made a big deal out of it and ratted them out to all the authorities and this is when the bullying began. At my workplace, everyone knows everyone’s addresses. In the course of the bullying they decided I dont live where I live but in the unpopular ghetto because fuck me i guess? I dont wear designer clothes. For some reason 40 something year olds and peers without education that are stuck in this job as a dead end take major offense to that. Alcoholism is rampant where I live, I dont drink as heavily as they do, so that is threatening to them. My bosses in particular love to throw slurs and pit minorities against each other, plus they are very ignorant so that’s how the r-word accusation comes up. The last statement is just that I struggle with something physically that is hard to pinpoint and for the time being I have a „help-diagnosis“ which is unfortunately something that is culturally associated only with old people, so of course no one believes me.

The whole disability centered stuff only started when what you could call our DEI worker and the medical worker that refused to help me joined in on the bullying train. Before that I was just lazy and ugly and fat and weird and poor to them.

With a burdened mind and a deeply saddened heart, I will try to make the best out of today. My partner has a day off, so I can get all the love I need. I will try to up my school hours to 9 today.

2 Hours of entry exam prep

2 Hours of math

2 hours of history

1 hour Latin

1 hour biology

1 hour German

Is what I will try to go for I think.

I skipped leisure activity yesterday. Maybe today? But I did go outside. Today I will too, but probably at night, when no one who likes to stare is out. Maybe i will drag my love to the local farm and fetch some freshly butchered meat lol.

[professionallyunstable]

the devil couldn’t reach me so he made me feel like i dont belong anywhere.

[littledarklittlecrazy]

Fuuuuuuck

I hate myself so much

Been having a rough time, and I go ahead and have a mocha frappé (it was a craving), next you know you start feeling chest pain...

You just provoke yourself a fucking panic attack

The worst part is knowing you won't die but you can't get your heart to calm the fuck down

[queermetalgremlin]

Context: many mutual help videos, espeically ones about Palestine, use shady tactics to tug at your heartstrings, which is understandable in such a dire situation, but it ends up sending folks with OCD into anxiety-filled compulsion spirals, and as someone with this hellish disorder, i find this disrespectful towards those of us who struggle with morality or religious values.

This is a vent, and it's not supposed to be kind, understanding or nuanced, it's just supposed to get my anger out of our system. I have way more nuanced views than what's shown under the cut, but IMO unintentional ableism is still ableism, and i consider guilt-tripping videos to be extremely harmful to people like us, espeically if they come from struggling families (like we do).

Just remember that, even if i don't support this method of asking for help AT ALL, the lives of those in Palestine are still in extreme danger, and i get why someone would act like that in the midst of a genocide. Keep fighting for a free Palestine, no matter how your activism may look like, every little thing you do helps <3

HUGE TWs for suicide, wishing death upon people, "abledphobia" (i know it isn't a thing, but it's 2:21 a.m. and i'm ass at finding the right words for my writing), caps, "kys" type of comments and general rage.

Hi i think ableds should die

No, genuinely. I'm so fucking pissed it's unreal.

Look, i get that you're suffering, i really do, but PURPOSEFULLY TRIGGERING SOMEONE'S RELIGIOUS AND/OR MORAL OCD IS FUCKING DISGUSTING AND I HOPE YOU DIE. AS IF I'M ALREADY NOT SUFFERING ENOUGH WITH A LIFELONG DISORDER. DO BETTER OR DO ME A FAVOR AND KILL YOURSELF.

[saddi3grl]

[jiraidanshidenpajoshi]

it's all bullshit in the same tone as them it's missy matchy washwaterdogwater . it's dellidellidelli the green and the green and trees, dead trees, made for amusement, made for the world the decay the dilapidated, viridi reset bomb, smoking gun fire burning spreading mold spreading corruption the capitalism and we all fall down and we all fall down and we all fall down. spinksparingly decorated decorum dilapidation, entropy, entropy, it will tend to pull itsslf apart, we have no resistance not anymore pinned down lash back fight back rant and rave smash your head against the cage bullitin bullitin bullitin terrarin ferrarin medication medication the green disk clog throat swallow swallow swallow smile ile ile ile

[professionallyunstable]

i hate myself a little extra when i open up to someone.

[saddi3grl]

When I lose I feel better and prettier, i dont care how sick it sounds.

[professionallyunstable]

kinda tired fighting for a life i don’t even want

[cerealwithmilk16]

wake up

smoke

drink diet coke

smoke

drink diet coke

sleep